Red vs. Blue: The Blood Gulch Chronicles (Season 5)



Season 5 of the machinima web series Red vs. Blue: The Blood Gulch Chronicles began airing September 30, 2006. The season continues the story when a ship lands in Blood Gulch, an evil plan is concocted, and friends become enemies. With the addition of two new arrivals: Grif's sister and Tucker's son. This is the fifth and final season of The Blood Gulch Chronicles. It is also the longest season of the whole series, with a run of 23 episodes.

Red Team

 * Simmons (23 episodes)


 * Grif (22 episodes)


 * Sarge (19 episodes)


 * Donut (15 episodes)
 * Lopez (4 episodes)

Blue Team

 * Caboose (22 episodes)


 * Church (21 episodes)


 * Tucker (18 episodes)


 * Sister (16 episodes)


 * Tex (16 episodes)


 * Sheila (14 episodes)


 * Doc (14 episodes)


 * Junior (12 episodes)

Other Characters

 * O'Malley (5 episodes)


 * Vic Jr. (4 episodes)


 * Gary (4 episodes)


 * Flowers (4 episodes)


 * Wyoming (4 episodes)


 * Andy (3 episodes)

Episode 78 - You Can't Park Here
The Episode begins with sounds of destruction emanating from Blue Base. Church rushes in, asking Doc what's going on. Doc claims that the alien baby is energetic due to having been fed Caboose's blood and that Tucker has slipped into a coma. Although he insists it won't do Caboose any harm, Caboose arrives and promptly collapses from blood loss. Church and Doc then begin to argue, but they are interrupted by a tremor, caused from the ship that had landed in Episode 77, which Church goes to investigate.

Meanwhile, the Red Team hears a tapping coming from inside the ship, deduce that it is Morse Code, and conclude that Donut is trying to communicate with them. They argue about how best to lift the ship off Donut, with Simmons making several reasonable suggestions. Unmoved, Sarge runs off to Red Base to retrieve a "levitation ray". Church, backed up by Sheila, stumbles upon the ship and calls "dibs", much to the Reds' dismay.

''"A newborn is really susceptable to infection, and disease. And cuddling. I only wanna expose it to as few people as possible." -Doc''

''"Doc, don't worry, I'm not gonna give it a cold. I'm just gonna go in there, step on its neck and shoot it in the head. Because that's how I roll." -Church''

Episode 79 - Got Your Back
Church notices the Morse Code, but does not try to decipher it. Sarge returns and berates Grif and Simmons for allowing a Blue to claim the ship, citing the "International Dibs Protocol" and the "No Take-Backs Accords". However, Sheila suddenly departs, leaving Church outnumbered and outgunned. Church retreats, leaving the ship back in the hands of the Reds.

Back at Blue Base, Caboose and Tucker are still lying unconscious, and Doc is absent, taking the alien baby for a walk.

Back at the ship, Sarge reveals his new plan: to enrage Donut, by telling him things chicks would get pissed at, like fashion, beauty care and celebrity break-ups, so as to give him enough adrenaline to lift the ship off himself. Grif, disgusted by their feeble insults, goes off, ostensibly to watch some football.

''"Great. Tucker's out, Sheila's on the fritz, and now Doc is babysitting. Caboose, if we survive the next five minutes, I'll be fuckin' amazed." -Church''

''"I'm fine by the way! Don't worry about me. ...I'm so cold." -Caboose''

Episode 80 - Baby Steps
In mid-canyon, Church finally locates Doc, along with the alien baby. He inquires what Vic's phone number is, so as to call for reinforcements. Church, attempting to contact Vic, instead reaches his unhelpful, elaborate voice mail system, further infuriating him.

Back at the ship, Grif becomes progressively more annoyed with the Morse Code, and Sarge grudgingly admits the failure of his plans. However, Sarge's rant about defeat is interrupted as someone, off-screen, exits the ship.

''"To mark this call as urgent press 11." -Computer phone lady''

''"THERE IS NO 11 YOU FUCKING WHORE!" -Church''

Episode 81 - Sibling Arrivalries
The voice mail finally finishes but then informs Church that the voice mail is full. Caboose attempts to join him and Doc, but again falls unconscious, leaving Doc and Church to speculate about what the Reds' ship could possibly have brought with it, Church even suggesting a soldier trained in ball-kicking.

Meanwhile, the Reds are stunned to find it was Grif's sister making the tapping sounds, who joined the war because she felt lonely without her brother. After some heated discussion, Grif starts to wonder where Donut is, if he wasn't the one tapping. It is then revealed revealed that Donut fell into a subterranean cave.

''"Was your mom a flaming sword-swallower? 'Cuz we could use someone to replace Donut." -Sarge''

Episode 82 - The Grif Reaper
The episode opens back at Blue Base where Caboose, now recovered from his blood loss, attempts to spy on the new arrival with the sniper rifle, only to reveal his complete ineptitude at using a scope. Meanwhile, Doc tries to teach the baby alien to speak English, with mixed results. Tucker finally awakens from his coma and Church and Caboose fill him in on the situation.

Back at the ship, Sister claims to have been told that the team leader has died, and she was sent to fill the deficiency. Horrified, Sarge claims that Command must have made a mistake. Grif, however, reminds Sarge of his policy that Command never makes mistakes and consoles him on his death, entrapping Sarge with slightly reasonable, albeit strange, logic. Grudgingly, Sarge admits that he has died and allows the team to bury him.

''"Well if Command was wrong about you dying, Sarge, couldn't they be wrong about other stuff too? Like, like what if the Blues don't suck? *gasp* What if the Blues are awesome? This changes everything!" -Grif''

Episode 83 - In Memoriam
At Red Base, the team speaks at Sarge's funeral. Grif tells various crude jokes, Simmons performs a campaign speech, announcing his desire to be Red Leader, and Sister speaks meanderingly about age and death. Sarge objects loudly to all three, claiming that "this is the worst funeral I've ever had!" At length, they finally bury him.

''"Hey everybody. Um, I'm new here, and I didn't know Sargent very well, but he was very old, and that's gross." -Sister''

Episode 84 - Strong Male Figure
Church introduces Tucker to his child, calling it "your little monstrosity." Tucker claims he didn't plan it this way, causing Church to scoff at his ever having planned anything at all. Tucker wonders what he's supposed to do with the child, to which Caboose suggests talking about Baseball, Church then points out that its an alien child, Caboose then suggesting T-ball, which Church then says that alien was the key word, Tucker asks again causing Church to tell him that Tucker has something in common with the alien race: their only purpose is "to tell huge, grandiose lies to people in order to seduce them and impregnate them." To which Tucker replies that he'll just stick to Baseball. Caboose then suggests that he talk about how he got to "third base" with his dad, causing Church to quickly yell at him.

Back at Red Base, Simmons declares himself the new Red Leader and orders both Grif and Sister to do laps around the base, even going so far as to threaten Grif with Sarge's shotgun. Ultimately, Simmons threatens to call Red Command, and Sister asks why not call "our guys...Blue Command." Grif sheepishly points out that his sister is colorblind, indirectly revealing that she joined the wrong team. Horrified, Simmons realizes his mistake and begins to try and dig up Sarge.

Meanwhile, in the cave below, Donut awakens and finds the bodies of Church and Tex. Somehow failing to realize that they are dead, he decides they are asleep, and waits for them to wake up.

''"I don't know how to be a Dad. This isn't the way I planned it." -Tucker''

''"You planned this? Tucker, I had no idea." -Church''

''"No no, I mean I always wanted to have the ideal Father-Son relationship. You know, where I see him for like eight hours every other weekend and send checks to some woman I hate." -Tucker''

Episode 85 - Yellow Fever
At Red Base, Simmons and Grif debate what they should do about Sister. Simmons alleges that she will kill them in their sleep; Grif suggests they tell her they're Blue. Sister falls for this, further demonstrating her stupidity, but Simmons decides they should ransom her to the Blues. He then begins to dig up Sarge.

Over near Blue Base, Church sends Doc to talk to Sheila and figure out what's wrong with her. He then proceeds to insult Tucker's child, inflaming Tucker's anger. Tucker claims he is "getting into this whole parenting thing", then points out that Doc is not a capable mechanic. Church says he thinks Doc will either fix Sheila by accident or destroy her completely. Soon, Grif arrives, telling Church that they want to give Sister to the Blues. Church and Tucker, suspicious, ask for something else instead. They receive Sister just as Simmons arrives on the scene, revealing that Sarge has disappeared from his grave.

''"Sorry, there weren't any more aliens for you guys to fuck!" -Grif''

''"That's okay, we can still fuck this one!" -Tucker''

''"Whoohoo!!!" -Sister''

Episode 86 - Brass Tacks
At Blue Base, Church ineptly attempts to show Sister around. Church explains the only rule on Blue Team: don't kill the leader. Unfortunately, Church is still waiting for someone to actually follow that rule, and is only exasperated further when Sister reveals that she is completely incompetent.

Back at Red Base, Simmons is frantic, telling Grif that, when he dug up Sarge's grave, there was no Sarge and a hole leading down into a cavern. Grif wonders nervously if this cavern might hold bats, from which Simmons guesses that Grif is afraid of bats. Over on the other side of the canyon, Church introduces Sister to Tucker. She accidentally insults Tucker's child, mirroring Caboose's insult of Tex in Episode Four. Spotting Caboose, Church passes Sister off to him as a tour guide. He shows her "the purple one" and "the big one", to which she responds, seeing a figure creeping up on them, "Who's the black one?"

''"Oh cool, you have a dog!" -Sister''

''"Uh, that's not a dog, that's my kid." -Tucker''

''"Oh cool, you have a kid that looks like a dog!" -Sister''

Episode 87 - The Nesting Theory
Back at Red Base, Grif and Simmons stand over Sarge's grave. Grif theorizes that Sarge has decomposed, evidently wanting to get as far away from the possibly bat-filled cave as soon as possible. Simmons shoots this idea down, pointing out that they are two men down, and any moment, the Blues will come over the hill shouting "Charge, charge!"

The scene cuts to Blue Base, where Church, having spotted Tex, is screaming, "Retreat, retreat!" As the Blues run before Tex's might, Sister, unaware that Tex is a woman, mentions that Tex is a bad ass, and that's "kinda hot." Tucker points out that Tex is female. Sister completely misses his point, revising her statement to, "Oh, sorry. She's a bad ass. That's kinda hot." The Blues take cover, ignoring Caboose's aimless ravings. Tucker suggests they should try and negotiate with Tex. Church delegates this responsibility to Sister, whose negotiations consist of swearing at Tex and telling her to stop. Bizarrely, she does. Church, thinking she has run out of ammo, pops his head up and instantly takes a sniper bullet to the head. Confirming that she still has ammo, he recovers his corpse.

Meanwhile, Grif and Simmons drop into the underground cavern and begin to search for Sarge and Donut.

Back up at Blue Base, Tex apprehends the Blue Team and reveals that O'Malley is no longer possessing Doc. The Blues discuss strategy, while Tex is oblivious; spotting Sister, she is outraged that the Blues have already gotten a replacement girl.

''"You mean to tell me I'm only gone a few weeks, and you guys get yourselves a new girl?" -Tex''

''"Oh-um..." -Church''

''"Whoa, tread lightly dude, tread lightly." -Tucker''

''"You know, I wasn't actually scared, until right, just, now." -Caboose''

Episode 88 - Spelunked
In the cavern, Sarge awakens, believing himself to be in the afterlife. He comments that he does not recall much about underground caves in the Bible. He briefly wonders if he is in Hell, but denies the possibility. Soon, Donut walks up behind him with a jubilant "Oh, hey, Sarge!" Sarge bursts into tears with a shocked "It IS!"

At Blue Base, the situation is more or less back to normal. Tex is having a private word with Sister, while Tucker argues with Church over the opportunities having two girls on their team will afford them.

Back down in the cave, Donut attempts to convince Sarge that they are not in Hell, despite Sarge's pleas to God for forgiveness. Finally persuading him that they are not dead, Donut shows Sarge that he has discovered a Blue Base in the cavern, revealing that he tried to report this, but his radio has broken. Suddenly, Simmons calls Sarge on the radio, resulting in a misunderstanding by which Donut believes that he is being addressed rather than Simmons. Sarge tells Simmons to stay put so that he and Donut can look for them.

''"We finally have two girls on our team! You know what that means..." -Tucker''

''"Yeah. Co-ed softball team! I'm gonna go get my baseball racquet!" -Caboose''

Episode 89 - The Haystack
Grif becomes progressively more phobic about bats in the cave, culminating in his playing off Simmons's fear of snakes to convince him to stand under a light.

Back at Blue Base, Doc returns from talking to Sheila with the unhelpful diagnosis that something is wrong. This leads Church and Tucker to criticize his medical skills, in response to which Doc reveals that he attended Jamaica State University. Church and Doc decide that the best method to fix Sheila would be to reboot her. However, this would require someone sneaky to deactivate her. Eventually, the Blues decide to fool Caboose into betraying Sheila...

Back down in the cave, Sarge and Donut locate the dead bodies. The two discuss the Blues and their methods of doing evil, but Sarge is distracted by something behind a rock, which he tries several times to surprise and capture, with no success. Over under the light, Grif and Simmons are wondering why there are lights in the cave when Simmons is shot by a pink, needle-like projectile which blurs his vision, slurs his speech and causes him to fall unconscious. Turning to see where the shot came from, Grif is struck by nearly a dozen such needles and sees some things which he believes to be "bat people" before he, too, falls unconscious.

''"If only we knew someone that Sheila trusted. And it would have to be someone kinda dumb, so that we could fool them in to betraying that trust, for our purposes..." -Church''

''"Hey... everyone is looking at me. ...I love when they do that- Hi everybody!" -Caboose''

Episode 90 - Terms and Provisions
Back at Blue Base, Church settles on a plan: using Caboose to distract Sheila while Tex deactivates her. He heads off to talk with Tex; Doc notices Sister for the first time and points out that he is supposed to examine all soldiers before they assume active duty. Doc and Sister head into the base for her physical. Tucker is astounded.

In the cave, Donut finds Simmons lying on the ground, barely conscious. He accuses Simmons of sleeping on the job. Simmons replies that he was drugged; Donut rejoins that he's been doing drugs. Simmons says that he and Grif were attacked, but Grif is gone. Donut speculates that he's buying more drugs. Sarge is unwilling to search for Grif until Simmons notices that whoever kidnapped Grif took Sarge's shotgun with them.

Back up at the Blue Base, Church tells Caboose to practice smooth-talking so he can deceive Sheila. Caboose practices with Tex, causing Tucker, who has just run up, to draw the complete wrong conclusion, for which Tex punches him.

"Well, Grif, we'll miss ya. You were a good soldier. Using the broadest possible definition of 'good.' And 'soldier.'" -Sarge

Episode 91 - Missed Direction
Tucker enters the Base, ostensibly looking for Junior, but mostly to spy on Sister. He is rebuffed by Doc, although Sister, predictably, thinks his voyeurism is "kinda hot".

In the cavern, Simmons, Sarge and Donut search for Grif. Donut continues to insist that Simmons is a drug addict. They finally find Grif, who claims that he was kidnapped and asked for information. Envious, Simmons asks why someone who wanted information would take Grif.

At the Blue Base, Caboose attempts to distract Sheila, while Tex attempts to deactivate her. Unfortunately, Caboose's stupidity threatens to reveal the Blues' plans to Sheila, but Sheila is so fixed on his awkwardness that she does not notice Tex. She tells Caboose not to behave so strangely, or the other Blues may think that O'Malley is in him. She then says that she knows where Omega is, but before she can say the name, Tex succeeds in deactivating her, causing her to trail off, and Caboose to wonder who, "Blllllaaaaarrrrgggg" is.

''"Wowzers. I didn't even know a leg could bend that far. That is a leg, right? Okay. Oh and by the way, sorry if my hands are cold." -Doc''

''"That's cool. Sorry my body's a little hot." -Sister''

Episode 92 - Where Credit Is Due
Caboose asks Church to turn Sheila back on, so she can tell them where O'Malley is. However, Tex points out that the tank is irreparably damaged, and the only way to activate Sheila would be to transfer her into a similar class of vehicle...such as the dropship that brought Sister. Tex prepares to set up a hardline transfer, at which Tucker runs out of the Base at top speed with the comment, "I've got a hardline Tex can use...bow-chicka-bow-wow!" Tex wonders how he even heard them, to which he responds, "I'm like Superman! I know when I'm needed!"

Down in the cave, Donut continues to insist that Simmons and Grif have been doing drugs, a sentiment which only induces Simmons to actually want to try drugs. Grif reveals that he was kidnapped by "some kind of bat person." Simmons wonders if Grif was hallucinating, but Grif claims that there were two people, talking about a kid and a sword. Donut claims that this story was obviously plagiarized from his Harry Potter slashfic. Sarge and Simmons doubt Grif's story, but Grif suddenly remembers that the bomb was there too.

Up at Blue Base, the Blues have set up a link between the tank and the ship. Caboose is inside, minding the computers so they can tell when Sheila has been fully transferred from one to the other.

The scene cuts to a flashback of Grif's. He is lying in the cavern, barely conscious, with Andy bomb asking him where the kid and the sword are. However, an Alien of the same species as Crunchbite, steps forward, giving a chorus of blarg and honk. Andy translates this as meaning that someone is coming and they have to go. The alien picks Andy up and leaves, with a human in blue armor following him. The flashback ends, with Grif concluding that, if they find Andy, they can find out what's going on. Much to Grif's irritation, Sarge congratulates Simmons, claiming that "Simmons's treasonous insurrections prove to be the glue that hold this unit together!"

''"Note to Simmons, Grif has gone mad. Need to kill him ASAP." -Sarge''

''"I'm not crazy!" -Grif''

''"Second note to Simmons, Grif has developed super hearing. Possibly acquired from the bat people! Post-note: original plan still applies." -Sarge''

''"He's been riding the wave & tripping the technocolor dreamscape!" -Donut''

Episode 93 - Biting the Hand
At the ship, Tex fills Church in on the events of Out of Mind, (despite Caboose's constant, inane interruptions) then reveals that Wyoming was teleported away before he woke up from being knocked out by Tex. Church asks Tex what Wyoming's AI was called, to which she promptly responds, "Gamma." Church sighs, and calls up Gary.

Gary receives the phone call, seeming very evasive. Church calls him Gamma and asks if Gary was lying to him. Gary responds, after a pause, "No...", then tells Church he has to go and hangs up. Wyoming, nearby, asks if the Blues know Gary's true identity. Gary tells him that there is nothing to worry about, and that they cannot be stopped now.

Back in the canyon, Church calls up Vic to ask for orders. Vic tells him that he must attack the Red Base now, and that he should send some people through the caves to do so before he hangs up. Frustrated, Church wonders why everyone is always hanging up on him.

Down in the cave, the Reds come upon some kind of large computer screen, showing various locations all around the canyon. Sarge orders Grif to go and keep looking for Andy, while the rest of the Reds watch the screen, seeing first their own Base and then the Blue Base. Sarge, who at first believes that this was a Blue plot, wonders why the camera shows their Base too. Simmons speculates that this might not be a Blue plot after all—maybe this equipment was created by a race of advanced beings which mysteriously disappeared, leaving behind only a legacy of strange, enigmatic technology. Donut analyzes this: "That's gay." Simmons brushes this off with "eh, we'll finish this fight later." As the camera moves over Blue Base, the Reds see Sister's armor without her and come to the conclusion that she has been disintegrated just as Grif returns from his recon. Sarge breaks the news to him in a crude manner; Simmons consoles Grif. However, Grif's tears are interrupted when Donut points out, "Hey, she's not dead! She's just naked!" Grif responds with "What?! That little slut! I'm gonna kill her!"

''"Look, there's my room! And the locker room! And there's the showers! Mahan, so many good memories." -Donut''

''"I hope this thing isn't connected to the internet." -Simmons''

Episode 94 - Tucker Knows Best
The episode opens in the underground cave, with Grif still berating his sister and ordering her to put her clothes back on. His efforts are not helped by Simmons and Sarge, who make various lecherous comments, or Donut, who ignores Sister and comments on the Blue Base's interior decor. Finally, the Reds see the roof of the Blue Base, but without any sound, they are unable to tell what the Blues are saying.

Church tells the Blues about Vic's order and plans strategy for the assault on Red Base. Himself, Tex and Tucker decide to go right up the middle, while Doc, Sister and Junior can go through the caves as Vic suggested. Caboose has to stay with Sheila to make sure she transfers properly. Realizing that he is about to be parted from Junior, Tucker gives him a speech about how every boy becomes a man (although Junior is only three days old, as Doc points out, and is a grub rather than a boy, as Church points out), and how to succeed in life ("Invest in real estate; there's no such thing as a permanent record; always eat breakfast; all the girls on the internet are actually dudes; and you should never, ever buy the extended warranty on anything, ever. Oh, and girls like it when you tell them they're pretty, but they also like it when you're kind of a dick to them, so, you know, mix it up a little."). He proceeds to make a crude joke about Tex, to which Junior responds "Bow-chicka-honk-honk!"

The direct attack team heads up the middle, with Church and Tucker covering Tex with the sniper rifle. (Interestingly, they are in almost exactly the same spot as they were when they first appeared on the show.) Tucker begs to be allowed to use the sniper rifle; Church agrees to let him borrow it if Tucker will let him borrow the sword. Tucker agrees, takes the rifle, and promptly shoots Tex by mistake. Giving the rifle back to Church, Tucker holds his breath as Tex comes back and, seeing Church with the sniper rifle, beats him up.

''"Stop, looking at her!" -Grif''

''"Why does Donut get to look?" -Simmons''

''"Hey, why does the Blue base get so much more natural light than ours? It gives the interior a much more airy and open feeling." -Donut''

"That's why Donut gets to look -Grif

Episode 95 - Loading...
As the episode opens, the transfer of Sheila finishes, and Sheila's personality surfaces within the ship. She briefly converses with Caboose and reflects on her new home. She asks if Caboose wants to run the tutorial program, but he wisely turns down the offer, keeping in mind what happened the last time he ran through the tutorial.

Down in the cavern, the Reds are still watching the computer and see Tex, Church and Tucker invading their Base. Humiliated, Sarge decides they need to get back up into the canyon to take it back. He gets little help from Simmons, who is obsessively watching the screen, hoping to see Sister naked again. However, as he gives his brave, patriotic pep-talk, a Red flag descends behind him, and the Red anthem plays, much to his team's confusion. He is interrupted by Simmons wondering why they don't just take over the empty Blue Base. Agreeing to this plan, they set out for the surface, but are stymied by an inability to find exactly where the Blue Base is. Donut realizes that the two Blue corpses must be almost directly below Blue Base, to which Simmons mutters, in a moment of foreshadowing, "I though the Blues had three dead guys."

Back up at the ship, Sheila finishes running her diagnostic. Caboose asks her if she knows where Tex is. Sheila asks why; Caboose tells her it is because they want to know where O'Malley is.

The scene then cuts to the canyon's caves, where Sister, Doc, and Junior are lost. Sister finds a robotic, severed head, which Doc confirms is Lopez. Seeing that Sister can speak Spanish, Doc tells her to inform Lopez that he is no longer possessed by O'Malley.

Over at Red Base, Tucker, Church and Tex survey their new acquisition. Tex, however, is interrupted by a frantic call from Caboose, telling her where O'Malley is. As Tucker and Church discuss how they now have two bases in the middle of a box canyon, Tex aims her rifle squarely at Church's head with the comment, "Don't move, O'Malley." Church, in his typically laconic manner, responds, "Oh, crap," thereby ending the episode.

''"It looks like the Reds pulled out. Does that mean we win?" -Tucker''

''"I s'pose so. I guess we have, two bases, in the middle of a box canyon now." -Church''

''"Whoopdie fuckin' doo." -Tucker''

Episode 96 - The Wrong Crowd
Down in the caverns, the Reds plan strategy: Donut will stand back and play the grenadier, while the other Reds will perform a frontal assault. However, Donut suggests that they call Vic for reinforcements. Sarge is unable to reach Vic on the radio, but Simmons, hearing his words echo, goes to search for the echo's source. Sarge finally manages to contact Vic, and briefly explains the situation.

At the Red Base, Tucker and Tex have Church at gunpoint.

Back in the caverns, Simmons traces the echo back to the computer, just as Vic hangs up on Sarge. He deduces that the computer is interfering with their radios, but Sarge orders him to report back so they can begin the assault on Blue Base.

At Red Base, Church insists that he is not O'Malley, but Caboose claims that Sheila told him O'Malley was inside Blue Leader. However, Church reminds Tex that "I was never officially promoted to Blue Leader anyway! That's...oh, no."

In the caves, Doc and Sister have just asked Lopez how he got here. They are interrupted, however, by the green Alien who interrogated Grif and a blue-armored human. The human greets them with a cheery "Hi there! I don't believe we've met. I'm Captain Butch Flowers, and this is my friend."

Sister responds, wondering if she was sent here to replace him. O'Malley's voice, coming from Flowers, says to Junior, "I've been waiting a very, very long time to meet you."

''"And as discussed, in the event that we are cornered and no other options exist, Donut will make sure to save at least four grenades, one for each of you. And two for Grif." -Sarge''

''"Anyone have a preference of Frag or Sticky? Tell me now, I don't want any complaining later on." -Donut''

Episode 97 - Uncommunicado
At Red Base, Tex and Tucker are still holding Church at gunpoint. Church finally succeeds in convincing Tucker that he is not O'Malley, but Tex remains unmoved. Tex speculates that the vacant Red Base might be a trap. As she speaks, Wyoming points his rifle at the back of Tex's head.

In the caves, Red Team has finally escaped from below ground. They are surprised to encounter Andy, who tells them that Flowers and the alien have ditched him, having learned enough of each other's language to get along. Andy is mostly unhelpful, although he does reveal that it was some power of the green alien's that revived Flowers. The Reds ask how this is possible; Andy explains that the aliens don't view life and death like humans do. He starts to say something more about Junior, but Sarge cuts him off. The Reds leave Andy behind, preparing to go put their plan into action.

At Red Base, Wyoming reveals that he is not here to kill them, but to keep an eye on them while the green alien and Flowers secure Junior. Church radios Caboose, attempting to sum up the situation and get him to help them. Caboose is completely unhelpful; he obviously does not understand Church, and still believes him to be under O'Malley's control. As Church asks unsubtly for Caboose to use the tank, Caboose sees the tank drive away and wonders, "Hey, Sheila, where's the tank part of you going?"

At Red Base, Tucker and Wyoming are thoroughly bemused by Church's conversation with Caboose. Church is, after all, having a conversation with nothing, summarizing their situation in a loud voice. Tucker wonders why Wyoming even wants Junior. Wyoming reveals that Tucker's child has a destiny, which he has to make sure he fulfills.

Approaching their Base, the Reds spot Wyoming. They change their plans, and decide to help the Blues fight him. Suddenly, however, the tank passes them, heading for Red Base. The Reds abruptly change their plans back and head for Blue Base.

At Red Base, Tucker wonders how Wyoming snuck up on them, especially when Tex is an expert on stealth. To illustrate his point, Tex activates her camouflage and disappears. Surprisingly, this does not seem to cow Wyoming in the least; he merely laughs. Church warns him not to be so smug, especially when he's outnumbered. As he speaks, the tank drives up behind him. Church laughs, saying that Caboose came through and he even brought their tank. Wyoming chuckles, saying that it is not their tank. As he does, the tank speaks in Gary's voice, saying, "Knock knock, Church." As the screen blacks out, Church remarks on RoosterTeeth's penchant for cliffhanger endings to episodes, but is interrupted by Gary stating: "Firing main cannon," and then carrying out his threat.

''"Andy, is that you?" -Simmons''

''"No, I'm tha other talkin' bomb. Francis. Pleased ta meet ya ya dickhead." -Andy''

Episode 98 - Same Old, Same Old
The episode begins with the ending of episode 97 from Caboose and Sheila's perspective. Caboose asks Sheila if she sent the tank to help Church, Tucker, and Tex, which she replies "Negative." Caboose has a semi-monologue on how he thinks he should go to the red base and help them, while Sheila comments with "Affirmative" and "Negative". Caboose just ignores her and decides to go help them.

At Red Base, Wyoming and Gary still have Church and Tucker held hostage, while Tex is nowhere to be seen. Wyoming and Church exchange a little banter, then, for no apparent reason, Tucker suddenly appears extremely confused, trying to figure out "what was going on". Church wonders why Tucker is acting so strangely, and Tucker continues asking what was going on, and asked where Tex was. Church made a comment about her, to which Wyoming replied "Oh right, Tex, you mean, her?" and then un-cloaked Tex as he knocked her out with his Battle Rifle. While Church tried to figure out how Wyoming knew where she was, Tucker said "That's where she was last time." Wyoming and Gary think that Tucker knows about something, when Caboose runs towards the base, yelling he is going to help. Wyoming orders Gary to gun down Caboose, killing him. Church reacts very strongly to this.

Sarge is looking through a sniper rifle from the blue base, and said a blue just got killed by their tank. Simmons said he had Déjà Vu, possibly from Season One or that they may vaguely remember the last time loop, Grif makes a joke about "getting tanked" and beer, and Donut mysteriously walks off in the background. Back at Red Base, Gary fires on Tucker and Church, which causes them to flee behind a large rock near Caboose. Church confirms he is dead, while Tucker continues acting confused. Church yells at Tucker to make sense, when Wyoming fires his Battle Rifle at Church. He returns fire with his sniper rifle, which apparently incapacitates him. Tucker made a note on how whenever Wyoming got beaten, everything seem to reset, which is what happened.

The same situation at the beginning of the episode at Red Base is shown again, with the same dialog going on between Church and Wyoming. Tucker, once again, appears confused, due to the time loop. Gary says "He knows." while Wyoming wonders how Tucker is "keeping up with them." They then attack Church and Tucker again, to which they flee to the same place. Tucker, while running, warns Tex that Wyoming knows where she is. She un-cloaks in confusion. Once Church and Tucker are behind the rock again, Caboose runs towards the base again, and is sniped, apparently by Wyoming. Church reacts strongly to this again. The exact scene that the reds did before is redone, this time Sarge commenting on how a blue got sniped. Grif made the same joke he made before, except instead of "getting tanked", he said "getting sniped". Simmons asks what the hell it's supposed to mean, and then has Déjà Vu again. Donut, once again, walks off. Tucker clarifies the situation to Church behind the rock, while Tex and Wyoming have a fire fight. Tex can be heard in the background saying "gotcha", suggesting that she defeated Wyoming. Afterwards, time loops again.

This time Tucker pretends he didn't remember anything. After Wyoming knocks out Tex and says she "could never understand when she was", before he could say beaten, Tucker then quickly stabs Wyoming in the back with his sword and finishes his sentence for him.

Since Tucker knew Caboose was going to be killed he in this loop he saved his life by immediately shooting a sniper rifle near his feat to scare him, Caboose then retreats back to the ship and says "okay, bye, I don't wanna help anymore" because he thinks Tucker is mean. At Blue Base, Sarge says "whoa, looks like the white guy got stabbed", Grif then thinks he has a headache and Simmons can't remember the words Déjà Vu.

Church and Tucker run around to the basement of Red Base, Tucker remembers how Tex says that freelancer had an AI and a special armor ability, he realizes that Wyoming's armor ability is to loop small parts of time. And that he just kept doing until he was stabbed by Tucker. Tucker says it doesn't matter, as Wyoming is dead. However, Church remembers how he was trapped in the past and every time he looped he left a copy of himself, Tucker and Church enter the basement and find seven Wyoming copies standing in front of the Banshee that Wyoming used to reach Blood Gulch.

It should be noted that this episode is mostly inspired by Infinity, the third game in the Marathon series. The plot of Infinity centers around the protagonist looping time and space in an effort to save the universe from the deadly Wrk'ncacnter. As Rooster Teeth has a fairly good understanding of the Marathon games, it seems likely that this is their main inspiration.[verification needed]

''"Whoa. Looks like the blue one just got killed by the tank." -Sarge''

''"A Blue got killed by their own tank? Man, I just had the weirdest sense of déjà vu." -Simmons''

''"Hehey, speaking of getting tanked, we should see if the Blues have any beer around here!" -Grif''

''"Hiyo!" -Sarge''

Episode 99 - Repent, the End Is Near
The episode starts out in the cave as Capt. Flowers has the Green Alien keep Doc, Sister, and Junior at aim. He explains that everything was planned by him, the rest unknown of what was to transpire. As the Wyoming clones start firing at Church and Tucker, they run away from the Red Base while the Red Team still watch on. Now aware of how the battle proceeds, Tucker gives specific orders, like telling Church to duck, avoiding a sniper shot. They then run to the hill, right after Church has a close call with Gamma, and meet up with Tex. Tucker tells them to duck once more before telling them to distract the Wyomings. He runs across the canyon to Caboose who is told to distract the tank head on. He rushes in front of Gamma, causing him to move slowly towards him. As Gamma stops right in front of Caboose, Tucker plugs the hard line, trapping Gamma in Sheila's firewall. Tucker, now back with Church and Tex, plan on having a shoot-out with the clones when the same music from Season 1 is heard. The Red Team appears in the warthog, driven by Grif, Sarge in the shotgun seat (with the shotgun), and Simmons on the turret, finish off the remaining clones when Caboose taunts the reds the same way he did with Gamma. They then chase him across his canyon, not firing. Church notices a single Wyoming injured from the battle but still alive and ask him what they want with Junior. Tucker explains that they want Junior to fulfill the prophecy, via becoming infected by O'Malley so that they can use him to enslave all the aliens by corrupting their religion from the inside. Wyoming states that now Tex know of this, she'd not only stop and watch, she'd help them. She then follows by creating a free channel, stating, "This is freelancer Tex broadcasting on an open channel. You want me O'Malley, come and get me.". The episode then ends, leading up to the final episode.

''"I am Caboose, the vehicle destroyer!" -Caboose''

Episode 100 - Why Were We Here?
This episode opens up with the Reds after killing the Wyomings looking for Caboose. The Reds hear Tex's open broadcast from the previous episode but is interupted by a frantic Church telling everyone to turn on their radios in order to confuse Omega. Simmons, while on the radio tells the Blues to shut up, allowing Omega to jump into his mind. After the part where the ship blows up the episode has 3 different endings it depends if on highlighted words Red vs Blue's, the highlighted words 100th or the highlighted words Episode. One ending where they all kill each other, one where the there is a partly sad but ordinary ending, and one where Sarge gets angry at Vic and whole series just turned out to be a game of Halo 2 Team Slayer. There are 4 additional endings on the Season 5 dvd. "Come out Caboose, all we wanna do is shoot you!" -Simmons "Don't listen to them, it's a trick!" -Caboose

Original Ending:
Note: This ending is similar to the very first episode. It also features the Mongoose vehicle. As the ship blows up, Church silently walks back toward the remaining members of Blue Team. When Tucker asks him "What should we do?" Church replies "I don't care, do whatever you want. I'm going home." Simmons then asks Sarge if they should continue fighting, and Sarge declines, saying "They've gotten their asses kicked. Lets save some for tomorrow." Later, as Church and Caboose stand one top of the Blue Base, Caboose asks Church why they are here, and Church enters a long dialogue on how he has learned not to hate a person just because he was told to, but because they are a "snob, knowitall, idiot, etc.", and Caboose responds by saying that he was just wondering why they were standing in the sun when they could be standing in the shade. Church agrees to move to the shade and the two head there. Meanwhile, Simmons and Grif are doing a recon of Blue Base using a sniper rifle, during which Simmons asks Grif what the Blues are doing, and a cameo of the first episode ensues. Afterwards, Sarge calls them back to base, where he has constructed a Mongoose. Immediately, Grif calls "Shotgun!" to which Simmons angrily responds "Fuck!" The Blood Gulch theme ends the episode.

Alternate Endings

 * After the Ship explodes, an enormous fight breaks out between the reds and blues, resulting in them all dying, and as they die, they keep shouting out Son of a bitch! And at the end, Caboose won (?), but got killed by falling Ghost debris.
 * Sarge wants to fight and asks for support from Vic, but Vic says no because of the damage that has been caused. Sarge, in a rather foul mood, confronts Vic on the underground Computer and starts shooting it, causing the caves to start falling apart. After shutting the Computer down, a strange "Winner" message appears on it, baffling Sarge. After the credits, a Halo 2 matchmaking session is shown, with all the characters talking about how strange the match was, and also the plot (Donut saying "I am not wearing that armor again", Church saying "Dude, that sucked, I got team killed in like the first 15 seconds", etc.)
 * An alien invasion occurs by the same aliens as the ones seen in the series. After the takeover, there is a cameo of episode 1, but played by the aliens instead.
 * Church wakes up after dreaming up the entire 5 Seasons, it turns out he was knocked out by the Tank firing at him, but as he tries to explain his story to the reds and the blues, Grif and Simmons shoot them all dead before moving onto the next sector.
 * Church screams for Tex to come back, and, typically the Ship turns rounds and fires a rocket, obliterating everyone on the ground.
 * Overall, the same as alternate ending 1, but there has been some interesting and comical information about each character's life after the Blood Gulch Chronicles added in.