Red vs. Blue: The Blood Gulch Chronicles (Season 3)

Season 3 of the machinima web series Red vs. Blue: The Blood Gulch Chronicles began airng October 12, 2004. This season continues the story, with the Blood Gulch boys finding themselves in the future, fighting off a bounty hunter and a robot army. This season introduces the use of the Halo 2 engine and also the Marathon Trilogy engine. It is the third full season of Red vs. Blue.

Red Team

 * Grif (18 episodes)


 * Simmons (19 episodes)


 * Sarge (19 episodes)


 * Donut (17 episodes)

Blue Team

 * Tucker (17 episodes)


 * Caboose (17 episodes)


 * Tex (14 episodes)


 * Church (14 episodes)

Other Characters

 * O'Malley (13 episodes)


 * Doc (12 episodes)


 * Lopez (12 episodes)


 * Red Zealot (6 episodes)


 * Gary (6 episodes)


 * Wyoming (4 episodes)


 * Sheila (4 episodes)


 * Andy (4 episodes)


 * Vic (2 episodes)
 * Flowers (1 episode)


 * Alien (1 episode)

Episode 39 - Best Laid Plans
Donut tries to coax an injured Tucker into getting up, conveniently providing a recap of the end of the previous season in the process. Sarge and Caboose find themselves in Battle Creek, in the midst of perpetually respawning Red and Blue soldiers ("Grunts"), who engage in a complex action sequence that lampoons multiplayer game sessions in Halo. (It is notable that Sarge and Caboose were the only two who could be shown on this map, because the other, non-standard armor colors cannot be displayed in capture-the-flag mode). Meanwhile, Simmons is lost in a place full of teleporters (the Chiron TL-34 map), and Grif and Church have been imprisoned by the Red Team on Sidewinder.

"I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while, maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roommates." -Caboose

"Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left. And the carpet. And the drapes. And I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back. 'F you know what I mean." -Sarge

Episode 40 - Visiting Old Friends
In an unknown location (represented by the Halo map Longest) Wyoming, another freelancer, interrogates a Red, but is interrupted by a phone call hiring him for another job. Meanwhile, still in Battle Creek, Sarge and Caboose steal the Red and Blue flags in an attempt to coerce the teams to help them find their way out. When that fails, Caboose recalls O'Malley's possession, unleashes his angry side, and single-handedly eliminates both teams. Simmons then retrieves them via a teleporter.

"My name is Michael J. Caboose, and I hate babies!" -Caboose

"It's the Beast! The Anti-Flag! Come to live amongst us and rule us for seven years! The end is neigh!! " -Zealot

Episode 41 - Let's Get Together
O'Malley calls Vic and reveals his plot to eliminate both the Red and Blue Teams and to rule the universe. He also informs Vic that, to preserve Vic's secret, he has hired an assassin to kill Tucker, the only person who knows that Blue Command and Red Command are the same. Back in Blood Gulch, Tex tells Tucker that Wyoming, the assassin hired to kill him, is a freelancer from the same experimental program as Tex, and, like Tex, he had been enhanced with artificial intelligence. Still in the teleporter hub with Simmons and Caboose, Sarge contacts Donut to inform him of the "Blue plot" and that Tucker's idea that Red and Blue are the same is nothing but a deception. Wanting to help to find Church, Caboose unwittingly presses a button that activates the bomb in Church's robot body. On Sidewinder, Church consequently lets out a large belch, and his stomach begins to tick.

"Oh hey, Docter Baron von Evil Satan, what's up dude?" -Vic

Episode 42 - You're the Bomb, Yo
Simmons reprograms a teleporter and advises Donut on reprogramming the Reds' teleporter in Blood Gulch. On Sidewinder, Wyoming kills all of the Reds and tells Church and Grif that he is leaving them to starve to death. Meanwhile, everyone else emerges from the teleporter on Sidewinder, Tucker covered with "black stuff" (which luckily prevents Wyoming from recognizing and shooting him). While Donut and Caboose clean off Tucker's armor, the jail cell holding Church and Grif mysteriously opens. Wyoming spots Tucker from afar and aims at him; Tex ambushes him, but O'Malley, Wyoming's employer, ambushes her.

"Oh man, maybe our crew's come to bust us out of the joint. I don't know if I can live on the outside though any more Church. I'm all institutionalized and shit." -Grif

"I don't know. Sounds like whoever's fighting them is winning. That can't possibly be our guys." -Church

Episode 43 - Make Your Time
O'Malley activates Lopez's "secret weapon", a weather control device that Sarge had almost finished. The Red and Blue Teams join forces to confront O'Malley, who begins to wreak havoc with his rocket launcher. Simmons manages to teleport the Battle Creek players to Sidewinder and convinces them to attack and defeat O'Malley. Lightning from Lopez's weather device hits Church, thereby damaging the bomb in his body. When Sarge is subsequently unable to disable the bomb, Tucker tries to destroy Church with O'Malley's rocket launcher before Church explodes, but Wyoming snipes the launcher out of Tucker's hand. The bomb explodes and, due to the damage received from the lightning, destroys the present as well, sending both teams (except Church) to the future Halo 2. Donut attempts to direct a play to explain this sequence of events to Tucker. The group reasons that they were blown into the future because they were standing in front of Church; Tucker deduces that Church must have been blown into the past. Meanwhile, on Marathon 2 map, Church appears, wondering what has happened.

"The crusade has begun! Our hour of glory is now at hand! Let all who would stand against us be washed in our divine light!" -The Red Zealot

Episode 44 - We Must Rebuild
Exploring the wasteland in the future, Grif, Simmons, and Tucker discuss various Hollywood post-apocalyptic clichés. The group finds a jeep and bickers over it. Tucker is bent on finding Church, but Sarge asserts that Church, along with the group's enemies, had died in the explosion. Meanwhile, a cackling O'Malley discovers Lopez's disembodied head on a beach.

"They destroyed it all, Simmons, those damn stupid bastards. They blew it all up! Damn them! Damn them to Hell! Those damn dirty apes!" -Grif

Episode 45 - New Toys
While Sarge and Donut try to repair the Warthog, Grif, Tucker, and Simmons argue about styling the jeep in order to attract women. Tucker still maintains that Red and Blue are the same, but no one believes him. Meanwhile, O'Malley, Doc, and Lopez inspect some real estate Zanzibar in Halo 2; O'Malley and Doc argue over its viability and over how the computer inside should be used. This episode marks the final appearance of the weapon reticle in footage filmed with Halo 2; going forward, the Rooster Teeth team has exploited a gameplay bug to remove it.

"All my life I've had girls tell me, "not if you were the last man on Earth," haha. Well that may be true, but let's see what happens when I'm the last man on Earth with a sweetass pimped out ride, bitch." -Tucker

Episode 46 - We're Being Watched
Having moved into the fortress, O'Malley, Doc, and Lopez repair the turret emplacements and meet The Red Zealot, who believes that he has found a holy temple. Exploiting The Red Zealot's religious fervor, O'Malley deceives him into performing menial tasks for him. O'Malley then catches a glimpse of Tex, who is spying on him, but on subsequent glances, sees nothing. Elsewhere, Sarge, Grif, and Simmons discuss the results of Grif and Simmons' failed reconnaissance, and, while attempting to push the Warthog out of a ditch, receive a transmission from Tex informing them of O'Malley's location.

"Hey, we should start a neighborhood association. It's just like a government, but run by housewives and old people. So it's a lot more efficient at controlling your lives." -Doc

Episode 47 - It's a Biological Fact
The Reds, Tucker, and Caboose meet with Tex on the beach near O'Malley's fortress, where she reveals her plan to destroy both O'Malley and the entire base by planting a bomb inside. Tex has scouted the base and found the exact location to place the bomb. However, citing the bomb's immense weight, she has someone else carry it; of the others, only Caboose can lift it. Meanwhile, the Red Zealot informs O'Malley and Lopez that a crowd of people is gathering on the beach. Upon learning that Lopez is inside with O'Malley, the Reds balk at destroying the base, but Tex refuses to risk losing her chance to defeat O'Malley. Tucker solves the problem by reminding the Reds that, since Tex is a mercenary, they can simply hire her to help them to retrieve Lopez. Tex agrees to this arrangement for a future favor.

"Yes of course, all the people on the beach, blah blah blah blah blah. Wait. What did he say?" -O'Malley

Episode 48 - Heavy Metal
After discarding two of Sarge's suicidal battle plans, the Blood Gulch group invades O'Malley's fortress and are pinned down by mini-gun turrets manned by the Red Zealot and Lopez's head. Tex snipes Lopez's head off his turret, but the Zealot pins her down with gunfire. Simmons and Grif manage to enter the base and move on to look for O'Malley. Tucker, who had fallen into a hole near the windmill, finds a mysterious sword, and uses it to kill the Red Zealot. Meanwhile, carrying the bomb inside the fortress, Caboose mistakes Tex's "X" marking for a plus sign. He continues on and stumbles across a computer, from which he hears the voice of Church.

"My quest is over... I can see the flag... It's so, flappy... Hegh-bleahhhh" -The Red Zealot

Episode 49 - Roaming Charges
In the past, Church (as a Marathon character) finds a computer terminal, which answers some questions for him. Church is in the housing facility for The Great Weapon, which The Great Destroyer will use to bring Great Doom to the galaxy in 1,856 years. When computer describes The Great Destroyer as a "blue being" who "will be known as the stupidest life form in the universe", Church assumes that it must be referring to Caboose. 1,856 years in the future, Caboose asks Sarge to look at the computer terminal, which is playing a message from Church. The message tells Caboose not to touch anything, lest he bring about Great Doom. Specifically, Caboose should avoid bringing the "glowing sword weapon thingy" into the base, as the place will lock its doors. Tucker and Donut stroll in with the sword, and the base locks down, with Caboose's bomb already counting down inside it. In the past, Church finishes recording his message, but, deciding that it will not suffice, asks the terminal to transport him to Blood Gulch so that he can prevent the whole fiasco. While telling jokes to pass the time, the terminal begins the millennium-long process of researching and building a teleporter.

"This is the housing facility for the Great Weapon. I am the keeper of the Great Weapon. You are the Great Destroyer. You will demolish this facility, kill me, steal the Great Weapon, and bring about the Great Doom for billions of people. ... Welcome! How may I be of assistance?" -Gary (the computer)

Episode 50 - Silver Linings
The computer completes the teleporter and reveals its name to be Gary. Church teleports back to Blood Gulch shortly before the series begins. The moment Church is teleported away, however, another Church runs in and tells Gary to teleport him to Sidewinder instead, because he screwed everything up. The scene then cuts back to the first Church at Blood Gulch. Church, throughout the entire rest of the episode, is shown to have caused (or, at least, been unable to prevent) most of the mishaps of the first season. When he first arrives, he shoves dirt into Lopez's switch (which later causes it to short out the leg motors). He then gives the Blue commanding officer, Captain Butch Flowers, aspirin medication in an attempt to stop him from having a massive heart attack, but it turns out that Flowers' allergy to aspirin is what caused the heart attack in the first place. Before he dies, Flowers attempts to tell Church something very important, but is unable to do so.

Later, Church meets Donut, who, at this point, is still in standard-issue red armor and is currently looking for "the store", attempting to complete the fool's errand given to him in episode 3. Since Donut is not yet wearing pink armor, Church fails to recognize him and points him towards Blue Base, but quickly realizes his mistake. In a last-ditch attempt to stop himself from dying, he activates the tank, Phyllis. When he questions why her name is not Sheila, she changes her name accordingly. Church has her disable her friendly-fire protocol. Unfortunately, this has the effect of allowing her to target friendly forces, and, before Church can undo the change, Caboose drives off in the tank to rescue Church and Tucker. Church witnesses his own death and realizes that he is actually the "team killing fucktard".

Later, he attempts to kill Donut, but is interrupted by Tex's initial attack on the Red Base, and drops his sniper rifle. This is found by Caboose, who uses it to shoot Sarge, whom past Church had been possessing at that moment. After another series of failed attempts, Church attempts to snipe the plasma grenade out of the air as Donut throws it at Tex and Sheila, but fails and decides to go and live in a cave. The episode ends with Caboose trying to contact Church using the radio, followed by O'Malley's laughter.

"Men your delightful tomfoolery puts a spring in my step, and a bounce in my britches. If I weren't your commanding officer I'd pick you both up, give you a giant bear hug and make you call me Daddy." -Captain Butch Flowers

Episode 51 - Episode 50 Part 2
The episode opens in the past, before the beginning of season 2, with Church and Tex's funeral. Past Church and Tucker argue over who is going to deliver the eulogy. Meanwhile, having failed to prevent the deaths of himself and Tex, Future Church now dedicates himself to stopping O'Malley. As before, his attempts to alter the past merely result in him creating the very disasters he was trying to prevent.

Firstly, in an attempt to make sure Doc is NOT sent back to the Blue base, he contacts Vic (pretending to be Captain Flowers, whom Vic believes to be dead), pretends to be in a covert ops program and tells him to contact the Red Base and order them to send Doc as far away as possible. Vic misconstrues this order and starts to believe that Red and Blue are the same, and that he cannot let anyone know (hence why Vic tries to have Tucker killed later). However, this order is what caused the Reds to send the Doc to the Blue Base in the first place.

Next, he tries to stop Sheila and Lopez forming their robot army, but his words are what actually cause them to get the idea of a rebellion. Then, he tries to repair the Red team's teleporter so that it will not malfunction later, but fails to complete the job in time, and when Sheila and Tucker crash into the Red base (episode 33) the teleporter is damaged. Church then wakes up just before the start of the shootout in episode 38. He tries to hit O'Malley with a homing rocket launcher, but since the homing system is defective, it hits Tucker. Witnessing the events of the climactic shootout of season 2, Church retreats to his cave again, since he already knows how it all ends.

"Man this funeral is laaaame. If you need me I'll be over by my rock." -Tucker

Episode 52 - Have We Met?
Future Church watches past Tex, Donut, and Tucker leave Blood Gulch for Sidewinder. Future Church whispers a plan to Sheila, and then follows the others, leaving Sheila alone in Blood Gulch for the better part of a millennium. At Sidewinder, future Church frees past Church and Grif from their cell and then attempts to stop the bomb from going off. He fails repeatedly, which results in his being tossed back in time to Gary's terminal. The flock of Churches begin to convene at Sidewinder to discuss past failures and come up with new plans to fix their mistakes. The final Church, however, gives up on fixing the past. He simply walks up to the Blood Gulch gang and gets blown into the future with them. Popping into existence just outside O'Malley's fortress, he gets Gary to unlock the doors and shut off the bomb, and everybody is saved.

"What can I tell you dipshit. For better or for worse, I'm back." -Church

Episode 53 - Let's Come to Order
Caboose asks Church why he did not try to save himself, Tex, or create millions of copies of himself trying to defuse the bomb when he was in the past. Church warns Tucker that Gary said the sword was dangerous, but Tucker blows it off. Meanwhile, the Reds covertly meet to discuss a distress signal on the Red Army's open channel, which was picked by the radio in the Warthog. This episode features an unknown character ducking behind a rock, which is later revealed to be foreshadowing.

"And that's the story of how I saved Christmas!" -Donut

"I did not even know the North Pole was in San Francisco. This changes everything!" -Caboose

Episode 54 - Hello, My Name Is Andrew
The Blues watch the Reds play with their radio, at a loss for a motive. Caboose explains that they are talking about the distress signal, an explanation he got from Andy. The Reds are discussing the distress signal, which Simmons cannot pinpoint due to the substandard equipment. Caboose introduces Tucker and Tex to "Andy": the deactivated bomb. Predictably, it won't talk to them. However, Gary the terminal knows Andy very well. This episode also features another distant character.

"Oh, I know all the details. They were in their car, the Boss Hogg, when Simmin, heard a distress signal, on, the radio, and Gruff was in the back seat. With a monkey." -Caboose

"I'm going to go out on a limb here, and assume that some of that is wrong."- Tucker

Episode 55 - Defusing the Situation
Andy starts talking to the rest of the Blue Team, and is quickly revealed to be rude and volatile. Caboose and the Blues try to calm him down so he won't explode. Meanwhile, the Reds are planning on escaping in the Warthog to find the source of the distress signal. Grif is sent to find out what the Blues are doing, only to be confused when he finds them trying to soothe Andy. Unbeknownst to all, O'Malley has assembled a huge army of robot Lopez duplicates outside the base, which he orders to kill everyone and retrieve the "device".

"Come on Andy, think of a happy place. Now what makes you happy?" -Caboose

"Bein' in the middle of a huge explosion!" -Andy

Episode 56 - Calm Before the Storm
The Reds puzzle over why the Blues were talking to the bomb, and Sarge concludes that they are trying to re-arm it as part of a pre-emptive attack strategy. O'Malley's army turns out to be extremely slow-moving: Lopez built them that way so they would win in exactly 24 hours, since O'Malley said he wanted a day of victory. Meanwhile, the Blues have finally managed to calm Andy down, but are interrupted by explosions and plasma fire as O'Malley's attack begins. Believing that the Blues are attacking, Sarge orders the Reds into battle.

"Yes, that's very funny, make all the threats you want. As long as everyone is calm, and peaceful, and there's nothing else to make us excited, I don't care." -Church

"Attack, my robot minions!" -O'Malley

"I could almost feel that coming, right as I finished the sentence." -Church

Episode 57 - The Storm
O'Malley berates Lopez for creating such a slow moving army. In revenge, Lopez tricks O'Malley into insulting himself in Spanish. The Reds flee the battle in the Warthog to track down the distress signal. Donut is left behind to discourage pursuit, but manages to steal O'Malley's hovercraft and rejoin his teammates. Tex steals Tucker's sword so she can fight the robots; Church decides that she must be The Great Destroyer from the prophecy. An unseen figure wipes out O'Malley's army with a volley of plasma grenades, and then attacks a startled O'Malley. Lopez's fate is left unrevealed.

Shortly after Donut catches up with the other Reds in a cave, Simmons and Grif track the signal out of the cave, finding themselves back in Blood Gulch (Coagulation in Halo 2). This discovery is accompanied by a lengthy scream of "Noooooooooo!" from Grif. Back at the fortress again, Church and Tucker admire the slaughtered robots and congratulate Tex, but she admits she's not responsible: she was in the basement, trying to get the sword to work. Church rushes over to Gary to question him about the identity of The Great Destroyer, unaware that an Alien is sneaking up on him.

"You know, I always get a little nervous during battles. ...I think it's 'cause we never win." -Caboose

Trivia

 * In Episode 41, when it cuts to Sidewinder it shows a skull. This could be private Jimmy's skull as was stationed at Sidewinder.